i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
