While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
