Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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