First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
