her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
