Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
