9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
