I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
