If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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