i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
