I puked a lego.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize