I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
