17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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