you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
