Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
