No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
