ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
