Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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