So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I died a long time ago.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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