i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize