On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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