it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
