hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
