I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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