Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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