You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
