Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
