Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
