I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she told me i tasted like america
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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