you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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