yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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