He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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