What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
