Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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