Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
