How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
