She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
