Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
