My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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