So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
