i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize