He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
