bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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