i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
