I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
