I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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