Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
