Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
