glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
