no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
