We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize