Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize