you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
