Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think my fart just growled at me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
All the doctor said was why
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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