And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
