My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am midnight drunk by noon
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
