It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have tasted many bathrooms
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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