What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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