sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
