what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
