I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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