I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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