Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
