sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
