it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
