I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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