I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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