I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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