Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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