i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
