The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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